He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
