I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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