i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
