My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
