My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
