Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize