I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
