you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize