Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
