i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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