Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
