Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
