Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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