My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
