never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
