glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
