Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize