there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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