he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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