Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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