My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize