I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
