I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
