if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
