So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
