I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize