My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
