Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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