you guys were way drunker than both of me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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