I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I enjoy the company of your penis
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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