I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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