Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
