This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
