i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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