Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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