Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
