I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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