Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
