how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize