hell yes lets make some ravioli
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your cock deserves a montage
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
