filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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