No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
