chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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