i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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