You're so nebulous sometimes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
