We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
