Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize