I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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