btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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