This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
