Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
