Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
