I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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