from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
