i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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