Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
