laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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