I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
