The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
