1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
