his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
