I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
