it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
