Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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