I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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