it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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