I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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